Twice in a While is ten entries of me just letting the "fever" of this life finally win. It is about finally accepting that I am "lesser than the sum of my parts" and finding that same pink glow in every song on the radio and every street intersection I pass.
one is a mood, two might be a problem ;)
There is a precise geometry to the way I have dismantled myself. For years, I believed that to be a complete individual was to be the sum of one's experiences, polished and presented in the correct order. I treated my life like a rigorous proof, ensuring every variable was accounted for and every outcome was predicted with statistical coldness. But this collection is not a proof; it is the record of an error. It is the documentation of a variable I could not account for, a force that acted upon my core with such violence that I found myself arriving at a result that defies standard addition.
To be caught in this orbit is to be an experimental failure. It is to find that the "me" I spent nineteen years constructing—the learner, the poet, the analyst—is suddenly insufficient when placed alongside the reality of someone else. In these ten entries, I have tried to map that subtraction. You will find that the language here is often jagged, shifting between the clinical certainty of a mind trying to maintain order and the chaotic, nectar-oozing reality of a spirit that has stopped caring about the integrity of its own borders. I am not documenting the joy of being whole; I am documenting the strange, intoxicating relief of being incomplete.
"For I am lesser than the sum of my parts." This is not a lament; it is an axiomatic truth discovered in the wake of a collision. I have discarded the "rehearsed" versions of myself, not because they were false, but because they were too heavy to carry into the dawn. What remains is a particle—small, erratic, and impossible to disprove. I invite you to read these entries not as a narrative of rescue, but as the raw data of a surrender. There is no savior here, only the sharp, dizzying math of being exactly, dangerously, and definitively less than I used to be.
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